for anyone not catching on...
DON'T FUCKING WATCH IT!!!
torsdag den 27. marts 2014
Scary MoVie aka Scary Movie 5 review
for anyone not catching on...
DON'T FUCKING WATCH IT!!!
The Secret Life of Walter Mitty review
Review: The Secret Life of Walter Mitty
Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller) is a boring dull guy that works for "life" magasin. He often zones out and gives way for his imagination. He doesnt have the balls to stand up for himself, or even ask out the woman that he likes (cliché much?). He is soon informed that the magasin is closing down and for the last issue they need a single photo from a explore and photographer named Sean O'Connell (Sean Penn), here on goes the hijincks as he has to track down the one photo negative from Sean O'Connell that is required for the front page for the last "Life" magasin.
ok thats a short summary, now lets get to the fun part... what works? and what does not work?
the first act of the movie is a well thought out, entertaining and cliché look into the mind of a normal guy caught in boring job and everyday scenario, his day dreaming is extremely fun and creative, with some great action scenes and some genuinly fun moments... it starts of with interesting premise, but soons gives way and fall flat on its extremely dull ass...
the rest of the movie is a beautiful well shot... extremely superbly boring movie...
ok here is the thing, the movie starts out great, it catches the audience and seems to wanna deliver just fun and a not spectacular hunt for the missing photo... it does not
from the point he leaves USA, the movie is just about how beautiful they can show the contries... which would be fine... if it had some context besides "UH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING MOUNTAIN"... it turns into a 2 hour travel commercial... i was just waiting for the travel logo to pop up...
but wait it gets worse...
the morale... yes ofc it has to have a morale...
with a mallet... no sledgehammer... no wait with an anvil dropped from space it tries to hammer in a moral/lifelesson so cliché it hurts. it takes you by the collar and shakes you... it yells into your face... then it slaps you again and beats you while you lie down... "LIVE LIFE TO ITS FULLEST!!!! DOOOOOO IT!!!!... I CAN'T HEAR YOU BITCH?... WHAT DID I TELL YOU TO DO?... NOW FUCKING DO IT"... ur brain is already numb from the boredom and this life lesson and moral just sneaks up from behind and drop kicks you...
ok ok anger out
the acting is actually quite good, Ben Stiller does a good job... the boss douche does an excellent job... he is so unlikable that you WISH the first half hour would have lasted 2 hours... the female romance thing doesnt do much so she doesnt stand out in anyway... Sean Penn is in the movie for maybe 5 min... few decent secondary characters.... all this does however NOT REDEEM THE BOREDOM AND FORCED LIFELESSON...
fuck this movie... for having a great beginning that forced me to watch the entire thing... hoping it would again become interesting... fuck this movie for letting me waste 2 hours... but most of all... FUCK THIS MOVIE for forcing a morale on me, that everyone and their dead pets already are well aware off...
TEN OUTTA TEN!!!
Walter Mitty (Ben Stiller) is a boring dull guy that works for "life" magasin. He often zones out and gives way for his imagination. He doesnt have the balls to stand up for himself, or even ask out the woman that he likes (cliché much?). He is soon informed that the magasin is closing down and for the last issue they need a single photo from a explore and photographer named Sean O'Connell (Sean Penn), here on goes the hijincks as he has to track down the one photo negative from Sean O'Connell that is required for the front page for the last "Life" magasin.
ok thats a short summary, now lets get to the fun part... what works? and what does not work?
the first act of the movie is a well thought out, entertaining and cliché look into the mind of a normal guy caught in boring job and everyday scenario, his day dreaming is extremely fun and creative, with some great action scenes and some genuinly fun moments... it starts of with interesting premise, but soons gives way and fall flat on its extremely dull ass...
the rest of the movie is a beautiful well shot... extremely superbly boring movie...
ok here is the thing, the movie starts out great, it catches the audience and seems to wanna deliver just fun and a not spectacular hunt for the missing photo... it does not
from the point he leaves USA, the movie is just about how beautiful they can show the contries... which would be fine... if it had some context besides "UH WHAT A BEAUTIFUL FUCKING MOUNTAIN"... it turns into a 2 hour travel commercial... i was just waiting for the travel logo to pop up...
but wait it gets worse...
the morale... yes ofc it has to have a morale...
with a mallet... no sledgehammer... no wait with an anvil dropped from space it tries to hammer in a moral/lifelesson so cliché it hurts. it takes you by the collar and shakes you... it yells into your face... then it slaps you again and beats you while you lie down... "LIVE LIFE TO ITS FULLEST!!!! DOOOOOO IT!!!!... I CAN'T HEAR YOU BITCH?... WHAT DID I TELL YOU TO DO?... NOW FUCKING DO IT"... ur brain is already numb from the boredom and this life lesson and moral just sneaks up from behind and drop kicks you...
ok ok anger out
the acting is actually quite good, Ben Stiller does a good job... the boss douche does an excellent job... he is so unlikable that you WISH the first half hour would have lasted 2 hours... the female romance thing doesnt do much so she doesnt stand out in anyway... Sean Penn is in the movie for maybe 5 min... few decent secondary characters.... all this does however NOT REDEEM THE BOREDOM AND FORCED LIFELESSON...
fuck this movie... for having a great beginning that forced me to watch the entire thing... hoping it would again become interesting... fuck this movie for letting me waste 2 hours... but most of all... FUCK THIS MOVIE for forcing a morale on me, that everyone and their dead pets already are well aware off...
TEN OUTTA TEN!!!
After Earth Review
After Earth Review
Are you looking for that one special movie? that one movie where Will Smith does nothing for ever? WELL here it is!! "After Earth" WATCH Will Smith sit on his ass for one and half hour! EXCITING!!!! WAUW LOOK AT THAT CHAIR ACTION!!! the one movie that dares to ask the question... "How do you make alien invasion with huge monster boring?"... Well it has been answered! "After Earth!!!!"...
A movie that makes no sense 5 seconds into the film "the monsters smelled our fear! cuz they are blind and shizz so they smelled fear instead. So we developed soldiers that don't fear them!" the aliens are like "awh shit man, they no afraid no mo? how we gon get em now main? we cannot afford eyes on our BIOENGINEERED SPECIALY BRED KILLER MONSTERS, that we made from the ground up, which suggest we have the ability to make them with eyes... awh no man that would be to easy for us man, let them humans win the war cuz we lazy"
also featuring a class 1 planet where everything is out to kill you, yet the eagle which is twice the size of a grown man cannot kill a 15 year old boy dropping from a cliff with no means of defence. neither can the pack of man sized baboons, a type of animal known to have killed people, that somehow cannot catch up to him either... in a forest i might add...
btw the eagle has serious mood swings...
also the planet freezes over completely in the night (for no reason btw) also did i mention the planet is earth? and WHY THE FUCK DOES THE PLANET FREEZE OVER! ther is no mention of nuclear war or anything, it litteraly goes from plus 20 C to everything is frozen solid in about, 5 minutes...
i mean i can take this shit if it were another planet, but come on man! its earth... also how does the broken crashed spaceship have that much power still, and internal heat, even though we see that it breaks com-fucking-pletely...
warning!
even though what i said might have sounded interesting, there is actually about 10 minutes of action in 2 hours of playtime... the rest is Jaden running and Will sitting on his ass looking high and wasted at the same time... u might say "huh sounds like a fun stupid thing to watch" and you would be correct! except the fun part! its not fun... its boring... its like here is 30 second of action! now 30 minutes of terribly written dialogue...
M Night Shyamalan!!!
I COMMEND YOU FOR BEING SUCH A FUCKING TERRIBLE MOVIE WRITER AND DIRECTOR... also i hope you get fired and your legs fall of from sudden shittyness
this was wall of text of doom kinda angry review of "After Earth" or "Boring ass on chair" movie
Are you looking for that one special movie? that one movie where Will Smith does nothing for ever? WELL here it is!! "After Earth" WATCH Will Smith sit on his ass for one and half hour! EXCITING!!!! WAUW LOOK AT THAT CHAIR ACTION!!! the one movie that dares to ask the question... "How do you make alien invasion with huge monster boring?"... Well it has been answered! "After Earth!!!!"...
A movie that makes no sense 5 seconds into the film "the monsters smelled our fear! cuz they are blind and shizz so they smelled fear instead. So we developed soldiers that don't fear them!" the aliens are like "awh shit man, they no afraid no mo? how we gon get em now main? we cannot afford eyes on our BIOENGINEERED SPECIALY BRED KILLER MONSTERS, that we made from the ground up, which suggest we have the ability to make them with eyes... awh no man that would be to easy for us man, let them humans win the war cuz we lazy"
also featuring a class 1 planet where everything is out to kill you, yet the eagle which is twice the size of a grown man cannot kill a 15 year old boy dropping from a cliff with no means of defence. neither can the pack of man sized baboons, a type of animal known to have killed people, that somehow cannot catch up to him either... in a forest i might add...
btw the eagle has serious mood swings...
also the planet freezes over completely in the night (for no reason btw) also did i mention the planet is earth? and WHY THE FUCK DOES THE PLANET FREEZE OVER! ther is no mention of nuclear war or anything, it litteraly goes from plus 20 C to everything is frozen solid in about, 5 minutes...
i mean i can take this shit if it were another planet, but come on man! its earth... also how does the broken crashed spaceship have that much power still, and internal heat, even though we see that it breaks com-fucking-pletely...
warning!
even though what i said might have sounded interesting, there is actually about 10 minutes of action in 2 hours of playtime... the rest is Jaden running and Will sitting on his ass looking high and wasted at the same time... u might say "huh sounds like a fun stupid thing to watch" and you would be correct! except the fun part! its not fun... its boring... its like here is 30 second of action! now 30 minutes of terribly written dialogue...
M Night Shyamalan!!!
I COMMEND YOU FOR BEING SUCH A FUCKING TERRIBLE MOVIE WRITER AND DIRECTOR... also i hope you get fired and your legs fall of from sudden shittyness
this was wall of text of doom kinda angry review of "After Earth" or "Boring ass on chair" movie
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